The Break-Up Spreadsheet

Okay, we're taking a break from the 'MeMe' because I had an interesting night.  I had plans for dinner with a guy that I liked and he never called, texted or even acknowledged that we were supposed to see each other.  I saw him on Friday and everything was great and normal...watched Bridesmaids (hysterical movie BTW) and his dog loved me!  So I was a little caught off guard when I didn't hear from him.  Now the worst thing about Match is that it tells you the last time someone logged into their account and who's viewed your profile.  So I know for a fact that he viewed my profile after Friday AND that he was on the website over the weekend.  Now the self conscious child in me automatically thinks "Oh, great, he's already looking for someone better" (thanks to everyone who's cheated on me for making that my thought process)..but the logical person inside of me says "well duh you idiot, you're on too and you were just showing someone his picture...you weren't looking for someone 'better'".  After many hours and being alone with my thoughts and my ex-boyfriends's dog (I'm house sitting) I just lost it.  Without the risk of sounding like a brat, I think I'm a catch!  I'm educated, have opinions, like sports and most of the time look presentable to the public...but I don't know why people make plans and don't call.  I've said this time and time again...it's rude! Well in the middle of my 1st bottle of wine (that's right, there was more than one) I tweeted "self-medicating with wine and DWTS" and my friend immediately texted: "@Smerky210 why are we self medicating?" I sent her a text explaining the situation.  She currently lives with the love of her life, so I take her advice to heart and really value her opinions on everything, especially guys (she's dated an ass or two in her day).  She advised me to make a spreadsheet with the ex's name, where we met, how long we dated, why I think it ended and why he would say it ended.  I got up, ran to my computer and started typing.  I submitted my spreadsheet to her in record time.

The conversation that followed went like this:

Friend: "Wow, you've dated some assholes" "So you 're a pretty outgoing person and you're going for outgoing guys and the two of you are very aggressive and know what you want, so you break easily at the first sign of needing compromise"
Me: "So I should date shy guys?"
Friend: "Not shy, easy going"

Okay, now obviously I am slightly OCD and somewhat controlling, so I do need an easy going guy...but everyone CLAIMS to be easy going because it's such a good quality.

The conversation continued -

Friend: "Have you ever written down what you want on paper?"
Me: "No, I have never written it down, believe it or not.  I think it will make me realize that I am actually a terrible, shallow judgemental person"
Friend: "Noooo, not at all! Mine was college degree, no debt, no mommy issues, plans for grad school or something higher, must make the same money as me, not too much less not too much more, must have traveled, not religious, def not Jewish, not an accountant, must have two ears"

I immediately started writing  a G-doc of my list...and it looked like this:

The List
SINGLE
Tall (6’2 +)
Born in 1986 or earlier
Educated (Bachelors or better)
Funny/Sarcastic
Social/Outgoing
Financially Stable
Interested in sports (Yankee fan a plus)
Clean criminal record (1 arrest in high school or college is acceptable)
Up to speed on current events (Conservative a plus)
Registered to Vote
‘Family Man’ (big family a plus)
Resilient (ability to put up with my klutzy, ditsy moments)
Non-Judgemental (won’t dismiss me because I believe in therapy, or think that I’m crazy just because my family is)
Polite (saying please/thank you and holding a door or two will work)
Honest
Caring
Loyal

So there you have it...if I'm looking for too much, please post your comments. Also, if you know anyone who meets the requirements on my list...they can reach me via this website.  Actually, on second thought, maybe they shouldn't read this blog, you can just tweet me @Smerky210.