'Unlucky in Love'

It is no surprise to the readers of this blog that I have been 'unlucky' in love, to say the least.  I have found every jackass in the tri-state area, and decided that I should go on dates with each and every one of them, just to be sure they really are jackasses.  Some even got really lucky, and got a few dates out of me.  Always a sucker for self improvement, I was THRILLED to find this article on Yahoo! about ending your 'unlucky dating patterns' and decided to share the cliff notes version with you, along with how I plan to end this 'streak'. 

Unlucky dating pattern #1: Mistaking “hope at first sight” for “love at first sight”Many romances are built on hopes, dreams, and fantasies rather than reality. When you meet someone new — especially online — it can be tempting to fantasize about how he or she is the person who will finally fulfill all your hopes and dreams about love.
How to break it: How can you determine if your love is real? “Take time to get to know your potential partner before buying the house together or choosing names for your children,” says Cohen. “If your love falls apart at the first upset, or you get into ongoing fighting or drama, it’s not really love. If you get to know each other and — for better and worse — you still value each other and choose to be together, you have a very good thing going.”
Okay, I am DEFINITELY guilty of hope at first sight/love at first sight, I think the reason is because I try so hard to make a relationship work. But maybe that's part of my problem and I shouldn't try, I should go with the flow and see what happens organically (THAT should be interesting to watch from afar).

Unlucky dating pattern #2: Dating when you’re feeling desperate
Dating decisions that stem from feelings of loneliness or hopelessness almost never pan out well.
How to break it: If this behavior sounds familiar, Cohen advises trying your best to relax and trust yourself and your dating process — and perhaps even take a break from the dating game altogether.
Even though I've never considered myself desperate.  I do consider myself impatient.  I think it's funny that at the time I was getting ready to take down my online dating profile, because my subscription was ending and I needed yet another break, I got an email from a guy that said "You know, I would've winked at you, but I don't think we would've gotten anywhere" and then wrote me an email.  That was the golfer.

Unlucky dating pattern #3: Seeking only one perfect match for yourself
If you tend to dismiss partners once you find something “wrong” with them, you may have a history of letting pickiness overshadow genuine romantic possibilities.
How to break it: If you are trying to discern between being “too picky” or simply “selective,” ask yourself if the trait in your partner that you are questioning is a minor or major flaw. Are your partner’s other qualities attractive enough that, on balance, you can overlook it? Or is this trait something that could undermine everything else? At the same time, if you have had relationships tank because you were not selective enough, it’s time to exercise some discernment.
I am the QUEEN of finding something 'wrong' with a person.  Which is ironic because I have so much 'wrong' with me, which might actually explain why I've been single for so long!  You all know I have my 'list' of qualities I look for in a person and believe it or not, I actually see some of those as 'preferences' and not non-negotiable.  If the right guy came around and didn't meet everyone of my crazy expectations, but was funny, caring, family oriented and had the basic moral principals that I had, I would without a doubt through the list out the window.

Unlucky dating pattern #4: Getting stuck with the wrong person — repeatedly
Every relationship partner — whether he shows up for a day or a lifetime — is a perfect mirror for what is going on inside of you.  While such relationships may be painful, if they force you to recognize that you do deserve someone better, they can actually help heal what was hurting you in the past.
How to break it: If you keep getting stuck on the wrong partner, realize that there is something stuck inside of you that you must shift in a positive direction before seeking a new partner.
Oh Lord, if every 'relationship partner' was a mirror for what was going on inside of me, I am a lot more messed up than I initially thought!  I've dated a guy with a pregnant fiancee (obviously I didn't know about her), a guy who had kids closer to my age then he was (only by a year, but still), the guy with the Armani glasses among many many others.  What the heck was being mirrored in my life with these people?! Do I even want to know? 

This Sh*t Cray!

I’m somewhat convinced that I’m crazy/irrational/delusional.  Not crazy in a scary, I need to be committed way, but in a funny/irritating coo-coo for coco puffs, off my rocker kind of way. I literally typed into Google (who knows everything, btw) “Why are girls crazy?” and was surprised to find an blog post that basically says girls are bananas until they turn 26.  Thank the good lord that I turn 26 this year because I am about ready to cut off communication with myself.  I have no idea how I still have friends that listen to my nonsense and somehow manage to act like they still love me. But it’s nice to know I’m not alone…here's the proof!

Foto Friday

TGIF ya'll.  I'm feeling kind of lazy today (just in case me posting this at 4:30pm didn't give you any indication) so I took some of my favorite ecards off of Pinterest and decided to share them with you. I tried to keep them blog related and/or about me...haha:



Red bull and vodka will confuse the best of us...



Haha, we've all imagined how a conversation would go




If people would just be honest, this wouldn't be so true




This one just made me laugh!



ANOTHER end of an 'era'

On May 21, 2012 I will no longer be a member of a dating website...just like the last time, I have mixed emotions, but I'm not going to go all drama queen on you and write another "Letter to Match.com", I'm going to post some thoughts instead:

1. Match should really start making members undergo a series of questions and evaluations to make sure they are all stable human beings. If they are not stable, or have some kind of problem (ie being a sex addict) they should direct them to resources that might be helpful to the individual, instead of suggesting me as a 'Daily Match'. 

2. If you are the SLIGHTEST bit insecure, do not go on Match.com.  I'm not really sure how other sites work (I was on eHarmony for a hot second when I was drunk on NYE years ago, but I didn't even fill out my own profile; I should've known it would be downhill from there) but the fact that you can see if and when someone read your email, if they're 'online now' or if they've viewed your profile just makes the dating game THAT much harder. I honestly never considered myself to be insecure until I started online dating and I'm really looking forward to getting back to the 'old me'.

3. Over analyzing is exhausting.   I came out of MANY first dates trying to figure out how it went (9 times out of 10 it was awful) and how I could fix it.  And as much as I don't want to admit it, there was a lot of frustration over things that were beyond my control (ie the guy who told me he was divorced when his wife was in rehab unaware of his filing for said divorce); The only conclusion I've come to is that it's not me, it's them.  I'm kidding (kind of).  The real conclusion I've drawn is that if you're not compatible, it's just not going to work.  It's plain and simple.  It has nothing to do with me being a sarcastic wench or them being a short, cocky, orange-tanned, popped-collared idiot...it ONLY has to do with the fact that we aren't what each other was looking for at the time (or in some cases, ever). 

4. You can't take yourself to seriously and expect to be a successful at online dating.  Luckily I had an outlet with my blog and had other people help me laugh about the insanity.  If I didn't write about some of these people/experiences, this entire process would've been different and I think I would've come out of it emotionally damaged (hold your jokes, please).

5. I think I'm ending it on a high note...the golfer was the last person I met in person through the website.  Hold the phones, I'm not saying that he's 'the one' or anything crazy!!  I'm just saying that he's a completely normal, handsome (I hate that word, by the way), smart, funny guy and it's nice to know that they do exist.  Even if there's no next date, I know not to lower my standards, because even though they are few and far between, there are people out there who exceed your expectations and when you meet them, you don't take them for granted because you think about all of the nonsense you've dealt with in the past.

Happy Hump Day!

Chivalry Isn't Dead

Happy Monday!  I had another date on Saturday with ‘the golfer’ and it’s official, he’s one of the nicest guy on the planet. Since he’s so damn nice, I decided to go to my favorite source (AskMen.com) and see what they had to say about chivalry. 

They had republished a list from Modern Man by Robin Hilmantel:

Do: Guide her through the room
Put your hand on the small of her back as you’re walking together at a party or a restaurant and you might as well be George Clooney in her mind. Just make sure to keep your hand a solid four inches above her ass or you risk crossing into skeevy-perv territory.  - Alright people this is a major do! And Robin hit the nail on the head with the 'ass' comment. 

Do: Open the car door for her
Any guy can (and should) hold a door open for a woman. It’s something strangers do for other strangers entering a CVS. But you actually have to walk to the other side of the car to open that door for us. I’m not saying you have to do it every time, but on a first date or a special occasion, this simple gesture can score you major points.  - I know a lot of people see this as the ultimate sign of chivalry and yes, it can be very sweet.  However, if we are at my car, I had to open my door on my own to drive to the date, so why all of a sudden am I incapable to open it myself after the date?  If you are picking me up to go somewhere and you beep (which is actually another issue), please don't beep the horn, get out of your car, walk around said car and open my door...it's a waste of time and defeats the purpose of beeping in the first place (not getting out of your car). 

Do: Move her to the inside of the sidewalk
Every woman likes to think that you’d rather she not be run over by an Escalade. Make this move and she’ll know it’s the truth. Plus, it’s a perfect way to show her your protective side without coming off like a controlling jerk. - This is a good one!  Not that I want my date to get hit by the Escalade, but if it has to be one of us, there's more of a chance that he'll recover faster :-)

Don’t: Write her a love letter
Sending her a sappy email about how amazing your third date was might be cute to her after the first read, but at least one of the five friends she’ll forward it to will convince her that the note means you’re a player or a stalker (or both). So step away from the keyboard. - Yes girls forward emails (see any entry in this blog).  Yes girls seek advice from their friends.  Yes I have told a friend that a guy was insane based on an email I've read.  Yes I have received emails that have convinced me someone was crazy. You should not write a girl you're not seriously dating a love letter. EVER.

Don’t: Insist on paying for everything
Offering to foot the bill for dinner and drinks when you first start dating is fine. But suggesting that you fund shopping sprees and mani-pedi appointments? Don’t do it. You’ll come off like a showoff prick who’s enabling her to become dependent on you for everything she wants. - How do you think your date lived before you? 

Don’t: Let her win
Throw the game and she’ll know you held back and will assume that you’re sexist, or she’ll believe you’re actually that terrible at arm wrestling or Words With Friends. Neither scenario makes her want to see you again. However, if you’re legitimately en route to victory, don’t rub it in her face by running up the score. That’s just being a dick. - SO true.  I'd rather date a guy that kicked my ass at every single activity we competed in than a guy who 'let' me beat him at something. 

In case you were wondering, 'the golfer' successfully completed 2/3 ‘Do’s’. 

Which one didn’t he do?  Open my car door (thank, God).

I'm a crazy crazy person

In the last 24 hours, I’ve gone from being hopeful to being pissed off and I’m going to try to explain the logic to you at the risk of sounding insane.  On Wednesday morning, I thought “Okay, it’s the middle of the week, golfer can still ask me out for Friday and it would be okay” but of course he didn’t.  Last night after dinner, my thought process quickly changed to something like this: “Okay, well this is bullshit, I’m not texting someone all day when they’re bored at work just because I’m hysterical and it’s convenient for them.  I’m not going to humor him anymore…I’m not on a dating website for friends, I have those.  If he thinks I’m going to be his personal comedian, he’s sadly mistaken” Then it turned to “F this, I’m going back on the website and seeing what else is out there, there has to be SOMEONE else who would like to date me”.  Once I got to the website I saw that golfer was ‘online now!’ and my thought became “I hate this website…It breeds insecurity.  I don’t need to know that he’s on right now, AND texting me about hockey AND that he hasn’t looked at my profile recently” followed by “Oh hell no, I’m not being kept around in case his dates with other people don’t work out…that’s ridiculous…I’m better than that.  AND His pictures don’t even look like him…he’s so much better looking in person, I wonder how many of them have seen him in person…I wonder what type of people are messaging him…Maybe I’m prettier, or funnier, or smarter or anything-er.  Okay, I’m not texting him first, but if he texts me tomorrow, I’ll respond because I am still interested and I have to have something going for me that those other girls don’t.” Then I had a nightmare about being pat on the back…well not really, but I might as well have.

Ironically enough at 7:58am this morning, I got a text that said “I’m bored.  Entertain me :-P” I responded 10 minutes later with “Someone’s demanding this morning” and proceeded to f*cking ‘entertain him’….UGH.  After the standard daily B.S. that I have now participated in for well over a month I asked, “Any big weekend plans?” to which he responded “I’ve got nothing.  Was going to ask this pretty girl out to dinner, but I completely spaced on it.”  Followed by “Want to grab dinner this weekend?” 

Now at the risk of sounding like the biggest nerd ever...I currently have a GIANT smile on my face.

Hug-Gate

Okay, first off let me say I completed my first official 5k on Saturday! Whoo hooo!  Second off, I went to my first UFC fight on Saturday night…another whooo hooo! In case you were wondering about the attire situation, I wore skinny jeans, gladiators and a Calvin Klein fuchsia/gray top with some bronze beading around the neck.  Considering the amount of people that were actually there in suits and inappropriate attire, I think I hit the nail on the head in the ‘how to dress’ department.

I think everyone that reads this blogs knows that I’m sarcastic and while the stories and situations are real, some of the stuff I post to be funny can be misconstrued.  Which is why I don’t often write about the people I’m currently dating, because if they ever stumble upon this blog, the last thing I would want is for someone to think I was exploiting our relationship for blog material.  But in this instance, I need some help from ya’ll.

The fight was fun and not as violent as I thought it would be…it was also a lot shorter than I thought it would be because two fights were over in the first round.  It was fun picking a favorite and cheering them on and I found myself actually laughing during one of the knockouts (I’m a sick individual, I know).  So the golfer (are we calling him golfer on the blog, I don’t remember) walked me to my car (he is literally the perfect gentleman) gave me a hug and a pat on the back and said he would talk to me later.  I have never in my 21 years of dating (yes, I had a boyfriend when I was 4) been given a pat on the back at the end of a second date.  What I find even funnier, is that the people I wish would just pat me on the back and call it a day, more often than not are the ones that go in for the kill and make me want to throw up.  What’s frustrating me now is that I really can’t read this guy…at all.  And my cousin, who literally figures out EVERYTHING doesn’t get it either. 

So after hug-gate I drove home and thought about this the entire way down the New Jersey Turnpike and was pretty mad at myself for not saying something, kissing him on the cheek, etc.  I thought of about a million different scenarios where I could’ve made this better and I didn’t, I froze and to be honest with you, I pat him on the back too.  Now the next day I was out and about and after Weight Watchers (where I’ve officially lost 32 lbs thank you very much) I called my cousin to explain the situation.  She actually said “I have to think about this and call you back”.  I thought to myself, oh crap, even SHE has to think about it, this isn’t going to be good.  After a couple of hours, she got back to me and said, “I really have no idea”.  I decided this was over, and I could either let it be, or see what I could salvage.

Never one to give up without a fight, I sent a text, “Thanks again for taking me last night, I had fun!” the response was “glad you enjoyed it”…Okay, that was all I needed to know this had run it’s [short] course and that I was not destined to end up with a sweet, [very] good looking, smart, funny guy.  But then the unthinkable happened…An hour later he texted me, “What are you up to today?”  WHAT?!

I was flabbergasted, just as I was ready to throw in the shovel, he texted me and it’s been completely normal ever since hug-gate.  My cousin swears that he got into his car and banged his head on the steering wheel a couple of times asking himself WTF he was thinking, the same way I drove down the NJTP and asked what the hell was going on, but here’s the catch: he hasn’t asked me out again.  Yes, I realize it’s been 2ish days, but I still think it’s unpromising.  Of course, being me, Miss Analytical, I took a poll.  2 people said to suck it up and ask him out (both males I should add), 3 people said to sit and wait for him to do it (all women, 2 single, 1 in a relationship) and 1 person said I should wait until Thursday and then she would reassess the situation.

Well thanks for nothing people…Bottom line: To ask him out? Or not to ask him out? That is the question.

How do I do it?

I'm not sure how I find myself in these situations...but somehow I always do.  The guy I've been talking to for a little while now and met last week for drinks (we'll call him golfer for easy reference) asked me if I wanted to go out for dinner this weekend (in case you're wondering he asked the next day and there wasn't really any game playing, which was pretty damn refreshing if you ask me).  Of course I said yes.  Yesterday I received a phone call from said golfer asking me how I felt about UFC fights.  My initial response was WHAT? and he said it again, to which I replied, that's what I thought you said.  I explained to him that I had never really seen one, but I knew a fighter (note to self, from now on, don't tell people you know fighters, NFL players, MLB players or NHL players...it just raises bizarre questions that don't exactly put you in the best light when you answer the question of how you know them).  The closest thing I've ever seen to a UFC fight is a kickboxing class, but next thing I know, I'm going to a UFC fight. In person. On Saturday. Ummm...WHAT?!

Of course my initial reaction was WTF do I wear?  I had a dinner outfit all ready, but I don't really think it's fight appropriate.  I've also learned that heels are a no-no (thanks Kiki).  I wore flats on our first date and I don't want to wear flats again (I think it makes me look self conscious about my height, which I kind of am, but no need for him to know that), but I was told no open toe shoes either! I also refuse to wear sneakers/Toms/Converse on a date unless I'm going to a baseball game or working out. HELP ME PEOPLE! I have the jeans part down, everything else is a mystery and this outing is tomorrow.

As always, I try to educate myself before these things, and so for this Foto Friday I will share my new knowledge with you!

This is the 'fight poster' for the event...
I was originally going to cheer for Diaz because I
thought he was better looking, but Miller
is from NJ..

Jim Miller is one scary Mo-Fo...

UFC Girls.  Now I see why guys like this so much...

This is the first picture that came up when
I googled "UFC Fights"...Perfect.