Askmen.com

Okay, I am a subscriber to both Cosmo and Marie Claire (shocker) and they often get me thinking about the advice that men get from their own magazines and websites.  I was assuming it had to be completely different and that I would most likely disagree with all of it…But after reading an article by Ian Lang from askmen.com…That wasn’t the case.  I apologize in advance for the length of this post!

Use Pictures As A Guide, But Don't Always Trust Them
“…Another thing to keep in mind about pictures is that nine times out of 10, a girl is only as attractive as her worst picture. It sounds cruel, but it’s true. The picture that some girls select as their main profile picture often varies wildly from the ones you don’t see without looking for them…I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a girl’s profile picture and thought, “Oh, here we go,” only to look at the rest of them and immediately wish I hadn’t. Everyone wants to put their best foot forward, but some girls find shots of themselves that look so much better than any of their other pictures that you’d swear they were Photoshopped.”

For those of you who read this blog regularly, this directly contradicts the women’s dating advice in this post of  ‘posting your most vampish’ picture (which for the record, I disagreed with). So while women are told to put up the picture in which they look the hottest, guys are told to disregard the hot picture and make their expectations on the gross one, that’s cute.

Nice Girls Will Wait For You To Email First

“… nice girls don’t make the first move. I don’t know why, but it’s true. When/if you get an unsolicited email from a girl, they almost always reek of desperation, and in my experience, they aren’t much in the looks department. That’s not to say you should ignore them because you never know what might happen, but the desirable ones tend to know they’re desirable, so they have no incentive to reach out to you, because they’re getting 50+ emails per day and can take their pick…At all costs, avoid reading her profile and then launching into a long diatribe about either how pretty she is, how much you have in common, or both. You’re still a stranger to them, and as such, laying it on that thick is really off-putting.”

Okay, first of all, I’m a ‘nice girl’ and I sent emails first once in a while…Mainly because I’ll see a profile I like and it will say ‘message me’ at the end!  Do I consider myself desperate?  Absolutely not…I consider myself really good at following directions. And for the record, gushing in an email to a girl you’ve never met is creepy, telling someone you’d like them to be your “wifey” and ending a message with "mwah" will not earn you any dating points.

Going on a real-life date

“Congratulations. You’ve found someone who seems normal enough, appeals to your eye, can hold up their end of an email conversation, and has agreed that it would be a good idea to meet a veritable stranger in public…Once you meet, you realize that all of the prior emails and innuendos and witty banter go out the window. You know very little about this person and your only topics of conversation appear to be the standard “Where are you from?"…type questions, which are inherently un-sexy…Also, booze helps. But not too much…In regard to the venue, I always, always opt for happy hour, and preferably at a bar convenient to both of us.”

Oh boy…well I think he’s right in pointing out that “What do you do?” is an un-sexy question, especially if your date is a conveyor belt repairman or something of the sort.  But what else are you supposed to ask someone you’ve just met?  I think “Have you ever cheated?” and “How many people have you slept with?” are inappropriate and extremely personal first date questions.  Alcohol helps ease most situations, but also clouds your judgment (not that I’m speaking from experience) so I think happy hour is a peculiar choice for a first date. When you’re at happy hour and you know drinks are cheap and you’re nervous to meet this person AND you know you shouldn’t drink too much, I can see how people would freak out and start tossing back Amstel Light bottles (again, I’ve never personally had this experience).  I love that he says you shouldn’t drink too much, but that he ALWAYS opts for a bar during happy hour.    WTF people, hypocrite much?

It all comes down to the right attitude

“That brings me to my last point: intentions. Be open to the new experiences, because you’re going to have them. You’ll meet girls who are only interested in a quick fling or casual sex, girls who want a boyfriend, and even girls who already have a boyfriend…Without fail, every girl you meet will have some kind of prepared speech about how they only signed up for online dating (because their friends made them, they were drunk, it was a dare, etc.) as a means of conveying to you that they aren’t taking it too seriously, even if they really are. And, really, that’s the key to success with online taking: not taking it too seriously…but no matter what, you’re going to have some stories to tell. For me, that alone made it worth it. Oh, and the hooking up. All of the hooking up.”

It’s good to know that my attitude (which is currently “I have zero expectations”) is a good one, according to him…this attitude also makes it A LOT easier to go on dates. I also find it extremely comforting that he too gets enjoyment out of his online dating stories.  And I’m sorry guys and gals, but he said it himself, it’s worth it for the hooking up. So if you are in fact looking for a relationship, maybe you should be open with your intentions right off the bat…I can’t believe I just agreed with him.

Disclaimer: I did sign up for online dating the first time because I was drunk on NYE and my friends convinced me to do it (I have about 10 people who will confirm this, ½ of which completed my profile and one of which STILL edits my profiles).  However, when people ask me why I’m on a website now, I explain to them that I wasn’t meeting ‘quality’ people in bars, which is completely true.  The older I get, the less interested I become in the ‘hook up scene’ and the more interested I become in finding someone with potential.