Dating 'Tips'

Though I’m not completely out of online dating stories nightmares, I came across this little gem on topdatingtips.com (hold your judgment, I was actually looking for blog material, not dating advice) and HAD to share it with you and obviously put in my two sense in the mean time.  What fun would having a blog be if I couldn’t give my opinion?!  The website was broken down into ‘Dating Rules’ and ‘Online Dating Rules’ and was directed at women...Given the recent subject matter, I decided to read the online rules to see if I was following proper dating protocol.  My comments are in pink.

Online Dating Rules

·         Always let them come to you, don't chase them via email. Okay, you could sit around and wait for Prince Charming to bring you a virtual glass slipper OR you could be proactive and send them a witty email and woe them in with your charm right off the bat!

·         Block anyone who annoys you instantly. AGREE 100%. If you hate them in the cyber world, I can PROMISE you, that in real life they aren’t any better.

·         Post the best and most vampish photo you can find. Okay, most websites suggest posting more than one picture.  If you choose to post one picture and you go this route, you better MAKE SURE that you can redo that look for the date.  The worst thing in the world is being tricked into thinking someone is attractive when they’re not.

·         Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines. What’s wrong with being clever?  If he doesn’t like my sense of humor, or find me at least a little bit funny, then I don’t want him.

·         Remain aloof and let yourself be chased. You should probably do this only if you want to come off like an unfriendly bi-atch.

·         Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt. Ehhh...I disagree, especially if you’re actually interested in the person...for responding to the first email, I would suggest 1+ days, if you don’t like them, or they don’t meet your ‘like to have’s’ list, then just block them, or send a ‘polite no thanks’.

·         Never provide your real email or phone details. NEGATIVE.  What if you decide you’re going to go out on a date with someone, and you need directions, or to find them at the location?  You need to exchange phone numbers.  Furthermore, I hate going on the stupid website, I’d rather email them through Gmail, or text them (sorry mom).

·         Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn. Well Duh, you should do this in everyday life.

·         Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy, as well as enigmatic.  Stunning=Out of their league, Sexy=Hooker, Enigmatic=Witch....You should probably just go with something that says what you’re about, what you do or what you like.

·         Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best.  I’m pretty sure these websites don’t have timers and I’m pretty sure that more often than not, people have more than one window up at a time....so ignore this, no one will know how long you’re on...If you want to walk away from the computer to watch Bravo...I say do it!

·         Do not assume the person you are talking to is destitute or sad.  It depends on what they’re talking about...if at any point in the conversation they say “I feel unwanted”, “I’m really lonely” or “I don’t have friends”, you are absolutely allowed to assume they are destitute AND sad.

·         Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday.  Ehh...debatable.  I don’t think you should send emails on a Friday or Saturday night, but I don’t see anything wrong with a Sunday morning/evening email.

·         Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile.   If you’re looking to date or become a prostitute, this might actually come in handy when deciding a 'going rate'.

·         If you don't want to date married men, spell it out in your profile.  Trust me when I tell you that you will look cray cray if you put in your profile “I do NOT want to date a married man” or “married men need not apply”

·         A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored. Okay, I agree with this, unless when they do contact you, they apologize and have a reason for taking so long to respond (sick, vacation, family issues are all acceptable excuses).

·         Make sure your humor levels come across in text. If you’re funny, your humor levels should (and will) come across in every level of contact.

·         Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off. Okay, I agree with not ‘chatting’ 100 guys at once, but only because you will get them all confused, forget who has a dog, who has 16 siblings and who works where.

·         Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out. Well this goes along with ‘Post the best and most vampish photo you can find’...Don’t say you’re ‘athletic and toned’ if you haven’t seen the gym since January (please note that while I am athletic, I opted for the ‘about average’ option) and if you’re a size 0, don’t check the curvy box...Just love what you are and other’s will love it too!  (Wow, that was pretty deep)

·         Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results. Take note: This should also be your goal in everyday life...No one wants to be around someone who’s anxious and immature...hence the reason some of my ex’s are ex’s.