A friend forwarded me an email that her friend received after going out on ONE date with a random guy. It was an extremely long (but funny email), I’ve shortened it and added my commentary, as always:
Hi L,
FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can't see someone's body language or tone of voice in an email. I'm not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I'm honest and direct by nature, and I'm going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a google search, so that’s how I came across your email. If you’re warning me in the first paragraph that you may sound ‘harsh’, but that’s not your intention, maybe you should rethink the email writing in the first place. Also, DO NOT admit to someone that you googled them! Everyone uses Google as a stalking tool, but you have to be out of your mind to admit it to someone you’re trying to get a second date with!
Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:
-You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I've never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn't look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness. This was probably because you were saying something RIDICULOUS and she didn’t know how to respond so she took the ‘let me sit here and look pretty approach’. I have done this many times and it works much better than saying “WTF?!”.
-We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I've never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you. When you’re having a conversation with someone, eye contact = being polite.
-You said, "It was nice to meet you." at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn't interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said--that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive. Again, “It was nice to meet you” is polite. She couldn’t say “I think you’re a troll and I never want to see you again”, that would be rude.
-We had a nice conversation over dinner. I don't think I'm being delusional in saying this statement. This email is proof that you are in fact delusional. Just because she answered your questions and kept the conversation going (while playing with her hair) doesn’t mean you’re headed to the alter. It means that she is a nice person and didn’t want to ditch you half way through the date.
We have a number of things in common. I’ll name a few things: First, we’ve both very intelligent. Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom I’m in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldn’t be seriously involved with a woman if she didn’t like classical music. You said that you're planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future. As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You're very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves. If we go to classical music performances together, it wouldn't take any significant additional time on your part. According to the internet, you’re 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we’re a good match in terms of age. I could name more things that we have in common, but I’ll stop here. A number of things? So far you listed (in a very poorly written paragraph) that you both like classical music and you’re in your 30’s…if that’s A LOT of things…then I have A LOT to learn.
Perhaps, you’re unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a “real” job. Well, I’ve done very well as an investment manager. I’ve made my parents several millions of dollars. That’s real money. That’s not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, it’s a real job. Donald Trump’s children work for his company. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. George Soros’s sons help manage their family investments. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. Defensive much?
I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven’t returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. I’m open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too. If you don't want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life. I really don’t think she cares that you find her ‘less appealing’…if anything she’s probably relieved. I also don’t she’s concerned about this being a mistake…if anything, she’s probably ecstatic that she will never have to hear from your crazyass ever again.
Best,
M
And this ladies and gentleman, is why I am okay with being single…
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