If a Man Wants You

I loved my horoscope yesterday:

In other news: A friend of mine (who is in a very happy relationship and is the mother to an adorable little girl) posted this on Facebook urging her ‘single friends’ and those in ‘shitty relationships’ to read it.  Obviously, I jumped on the opportunity to learn from someone in a healthy meaningful relationship and if she said it was good advice, I had to read it and then pass it along.

If a Man Wants You

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t "be friends."

A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don’t stay because you think "it will get better." 


You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant,Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...


Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man.

Oh Lord!  If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.

All men are not dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...There is nothing cute about baggage.

Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to complete you. 


A relationship consists of two whole individuals. 


Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.

Dating is fun; even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes. 


When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him—he takes it for granted.

Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies.

You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate

them, a day to love them, and an entire lifetime to forget them.

I'll be traveling the next couple days, so if I don't get around to blogging, I'm sorry!  But I'll be with my family down south celebrating Christmas (and my birthday)!  Merry Christmas!

Random Ways to Fall in Love

FYI this is my 95th Post! How exciting is that!? 

Anyway, I came across this article about how people randomly met their significant others to see if it was anything that I did on a daily basis.  Of course most of these things apply to my life and I still haven't been retweeted or rear ended by the love of my life...but that's to be expected at this point...

Love in the snow lane
For Marie Melsheimer, 35, love didn’t walk in; it slid into the back of her car during an icy winter in Bend, OR 17 years ago. “I was stopped at a stop sign and my car stalled,” says Melsheimer. “His truck slid into the back of my car and he broke my taillights and dented my bumper.” The guy offered to fix her car, so they exchanged phone numbers. She blames his inexperience with the icy road conditions for their fender bender, while he blames her car stalling. Regardless of who was at fault, Melsheimer says it was love at first sight. “I was on my way to my grandmother’s house,” she recalls, “and after leaving him, I arrived there to tell her I had just met the man I was going to marry.” True to both their words, he fixed her tail lights — and they married several years later.

For those of you who don’t know…I’ve been in 3 car accidents in my life, all were on the NJ Turnpike, all resulted in me being rear ended and all of the culprits were men.  One didn’t speak English and was driving a tractor trailer, one was driving his wife’s brand new car and the other was an ass, as he left me on the side of the road in the pouring rain crying in pain.  Notice how none of these lovely men had me saying “I just met the man I was going to marry”…It actually had me saying quite the opposite “F*$# men and everything about them, especially their terrible driving skills”.

A purr-fect match
Plenty of romances come courtesy of some trusty canine companions at the dog park. Without daily walks, though, cat owners don’t have a similar excuse to socialize. That didn’t stop Whitney Shore, 26, and her now-boyfriend from striking up a conversation at the vet’s office. “I was bringing one of my cats in after work on a Tuesday, and he was bringing in one of his cats, too,” says Shore. “I noticed him when he walked in and was pretty excited when he sat down a couple of seats down from me. We started talking and continued talking for the next hour.” Though he’d already left by the time Shore’s appointment wrapped up, the clever cat-lover pieced together details from their conversation and left a note on Shore’s car with his phone number. “We met for brunch that Sunday, which turned into us going to the Atlanta Botanical Gardens, which turned into dinner, which then turned into a movie,” she says. “All told, our first date was 10 hours… and the rest is history!” Well this is great.  I hate cats, I will never own one and I will never be interested in (never the less marry) a guy who owns a cat.  I’m a dog girl (both in pet preference and dating history) and always will be.  If my only chance at finding love is in the dog park, then I better go back to Hobo and find Muffy’s owner because he was the only person I’ve seen at the dog park that wasn’t pushing 75 with an overweight mutt.

Sparks fly at 30,000 feet
Scott Trosclair, 29, was flying to Oakland, CA when a girl with big, grayish-green eyes sat down in the seat next to him. Her name was Emily, he learned, and they struck up a conversation, chatting about his move from New York City to the Bay Area and the fact that they were both wearing Rainbow sandals. Though they talked for the entirety of the flight, Trosclair waited until the last second to ask for her number in the baggage claim area, just in case she turned him down. Fortunately, she didn’t — and four years later, Trosclair planned a surprise proposal on another shared flight. “We met flying from Orange County to Oakland, so I proposed on a flight going the opposite path,” says Trosclair. “When we landed, I had her brother, mother and her mom’s boyfriend meet up with us in a limo.” Since they met while traveling, the pair included some airplane and travel motifs in their wedding this past spring.  I hate flying.  However, I have been on a plane 4 times in the last 2 months, the only memorable people I sat next to were a 5’4, 300 lb aspiring rap artist and a flamboyant gay man who told his boyfriend to pray for him before we took off…obviously neither were my soul mate.  If I have to fly cross country to meet the one, I just might, however, I don’t think I’m at the point of risking my life for love…yet.

Tweet love
Even social networks designed exclusively for online conversation can lead to real-world connections. Just ask MoniQue Shaldjian, 24, who met her fiancé Mike at a Tweetup in Phoenix last year. “I had seen his Twitter handle in a retweet here or there,” she remembers. “So, I’m at this event, and I got a tweet from him that said, ‘don’t leave, I want to meet you.’” She went to shake his hand and he went for a bear hug. Later, they both went to a bar to chat, and the conversation flowed as if they were old friends. Although Mike didn’t ask for MoniQue’s phone number that night, they started following each other on Twitter and she texted him after seeing he’d tweeted his phone number to a client. Things took off from there. MoniQue says that she “never imagined” she’d meet her husband at a Tweetup, but their shared interest in social media has helped the couple to bond.  I love twitter (follow me @Smerky210).  Most of my tweets consist of sports info (Go Orange!), political banter (it’s election season) or everyday nuisances that drive me to tweet.  All of the above show that I’m knowledgeable in the realm of sports, educated in the realm of politics and witty all at the same time.  You’d think this would be a slam dunk in finding a man on Twitter. Maybe I haven’t been retweeted by the love of my life because A. I’m not looking on Twitter and B. I follow Tom Brady and he’s clearly taken.

Connecting on a commuter train
Long train rides may seem like a waste of time for tired commuters, but Holly Johnson, 27, actually met her husband Jesse while commuting from Boston to Worcester, MA. “He said that he saw me in the window and thought I was pretty,” Johnson recalls. But she wasn’t looking for a love connection, so when Jesse asked to sit next to her, she answered: “I don’t know why people ask if they can sit next to someone else — it’s a free country.” Still, it’ a long ride to Worcester, so the two started chatting about politics and discovered they shared some similar viewpoints. Jesse offered Holly a ride from the train station, but she insisted on taking a cab instead. “I thought he was a weirdo stalker,” she admits. “As it turns out, he really was just being nice.” Holly reluctantly gave him her cell number, not expecting to hear from him. However, Jesse called the next day. Now, eight years later, they’re married and have a child together. This story warmed my heart…mainly because I would absolutely say “it’s a free country” if someone asked to sit next to me and in the off chance I give the correct cell phone number to someone, I don't ever expect them to call. 

This article made me feel like Mr. Right is just around the corner…and kind of instilled that ‘fairy tale mentality’ in me, which is unfortunate because it’s so unrealistic.  But on a serious note, maybe the problem is that I take a bus to work instead of the train…yeah, that has to be it.

"Why You're Not Married"

A friend of mine from college (@afiliczkowski) posted this article on Twitter yesterday and I couldn't help but read it.  Most of you know how I feel about the Huffington Post as a 'news outlet', but I couldn't help it...I'm always up for ANY kind of reading material that wants to tell me "what's wrong with me", why I'm single and what I need to change about myself to snag the man of my dreams (sarcasm at its finest ladies and gents).

This particular article breaks down why I'm not married into a 6 item list. Here's the synopsis:

      1. You're a Bitch - Here's what I mean by bitch. I mean you're angry. You probably don't think you're angry. You think you're super smart, or if you've been to a lot of therapy, that you're setting boundaries. But the truth is you're pissed. At your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it's scaring men off. The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them. I am the mother of a 13-year-old boy, which is like living with the single-cell protozoa version of a husband. Here's what my son wants out of life: macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn't think so. You've seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man's fear and insecurity in order to get married -- but actually, it's perfect, since working around a man's fear and insecurity is big part of what you'll be doing as a wife.  I would never consider myself to be angry, in fact, I think I’m pretty good at laughing stuff off instead of letting it make me angry, however if someone does piss me off, they better watch the heck out.  I stand up for myself, I always have (you can tell I’m a product of the ‘therapy’).  With this said, who wants to marry a pushover?  Or someone who can’t stand their ground?  Or someone who doesn’t have feelings other than bliss?  That would lead to one boring lifelong commitment if you ask me.  I’m nice to people when they’re nice to me and they deserve to be nice to.  If my future husband wants me to be nice to him, he should follow suit and be nice to me.  Maybe THAT’S why I’m not married, no one has been nice enough to me, to make me be nice in return.  And just for the record, I have seen Kim Kardashian angry, it was 2 weeks ago on KKTNY when she was woken up by her sister on ‘the only day she gets to sleep in’…so HA! 

2. You're Shallow - When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man's character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you're not married, I already know it isn't. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.  Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either. “Shallow” is  a strong word.  I would say that I have ‘criteria’.  The author is right though, if I had NO criteria, and only wanted someone ‘of character’…I have a plethora of ‘characters’ I could choose from, starting with the snaggle tooth guy and ending with the married man.  But I’m looking for more than a commitment, I want a commitment with someone I am crazy about for the rest of my life and if that’s too much to ask, then I don’t want the commitment. And to be perfectly honest, I think realizing that makes me MUCH more mature than the teenage girl you’re accusing me of being.

      3.You're a Slut - Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore -- but they're not trying to get married. You are. Which means, unfortunately, that if you're having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin -- it doesn't stay recreational for long. That's due in part to this thing called oxytocin -- a bonding hormone that is released when a woman a) nurses her baby and b) has an orgasm -- that will totally mess up your casual-sex game. It's why you can be f**k-buddying with some dude who isn't even all that great and the next thing you know, you're totally strung out on him. And you have no idea how it happened. Oxytocin, that's how it happened. And since nature can't discriminate between marriage material and Charlie Sheen, you're going to have to start being way more selective than you are right now. Oh wow, Happy Monday to you too…It’s actually biologically impossible for a woman to have sex and not get attached, which is why I recommend having sex with someone you’ve already been attached to because none of these feelings matter. And I don’t think sleeping with an ex from time to time while I’m single makes me a slut (Sorry, Mom!)

4. You're a Liar - It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he's not really available for a relationship. He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he's married, or he gets around town on a skateboard. Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, "I'm not really available for a relationship right now." You know if you tell him the truth -- that you're ready for marriage -- he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don't want that. So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun! You love having fun sex! And you don't want to get in a relationship at all! You swear! About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in. You start wanting more. But you don't tell him that. That's your secret -- just between you and 22,000 of your closest girlfriends. Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can't live without you. I have news: he will never "figure" this out. He already knows he can live without you just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn't be lying to him in the first place. I am nothing of the sort.  I have never ever changed what I was looking for to make myself fit into a guys life.  When I wasn’t looking for a relationship (ie most of college) the respective guys knew it.  However, I’ve dated many guys who had no idea what they wanted and felt that it was acceptable to string me along (which is probably why one would imagine I’m a bitch).  With that said, If I ever change what I’m looking for from this point on (at the age of 24 and 359 days)…just kill me, because that would just prove that I’ve learned absolutely nothing through this entire process.  And just so we’re clear: I am looking for a relationship, hell I’ve been blogging about the quest for a year.  

5. You're Selfish - If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don't have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy -- or at least a guy with a really, really good job -- would solve all your problems. Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It's not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say -- if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios. I do think about my outfits, my career and how I should find a wealthy guy to solve my problems, but I would actually argue that I don’t think about myself enough.  I think about everyone else in my life and how I can make them happier or make their lives better.   On another note, of course I want children, but if you think I’m adopting a child to bring around a husband, your are off of your rocker.

6. You're Not Good Enough - Oh, I don't think that. You do. I can tell because you're not looking for a partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job. Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don't know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won't love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this.  I see this at my son's artsy, progressive school. Of 183 kids, maybe six have moms who are as cute as you're trying to be. They're attractive, sure. They're just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their character, not their cup size. Umm…this one actually confuses me. Of course I’m looking for someone decent looking, with a good family (98% of mine is good) and a good job…that’s exactly what I am/have.  I want a guy to be my equal…that’s what keeps a relationship going, it’s called a partnership for a reason.   Why would I want to fake anything?  This isn’t middle school, no one should be ‘fake’.  I’m going to go out on a limb and veto this from the list of reasons I’m not married.

Lefty

Today's post isn't about dating, so if that's what you come for, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but tomorrow's will be, so come back soon! 

If you couldn't tell by the name of this blog, I'm left handed.  It's proven to be difficult throughout the years, from using right handed scissors to learning how to shake hands in a high school 'interview class'.  It really became an issue when I had to do a presentation in an English class about being left handed and I discovered that left handed people die on average 9 years sooner than their right handed counterparts! (This has been proven false since I did my high school presentation, more recently scientists are saying it's about a 2 year difference in life span) I couldn't really remember the reason for lefties dying sooner, so I decided to look it up this morning and I'll be the first to admit that it was a big mistake.

The first thing I found out is that some scientists chalk up being left handed to minor brain damage at birth!  I would of course say being left handed is hereditary (at least that's what I'm telling myself). Scientists believe that it's because of the brain damage that lefties are clumsier and have a higher accident rate than their right handed counterparts.  The study goes on to site finger amputations due to power tool use and more wrist fractures among the most common injuries.  I can only speak from experience, 2 of my cousins and I are left handed and ALL of us have had ridiculous accidents and would admit to you in less than a second that we're klutz's, I think only one of us would be compelled to say we had brain damage and that's not me!

Lefties also have weaker immune systems, which explains a lot about my health issues. It's proven that lefties suffer a higher incidence of allergies, epilepsy, and certain learning disabilities, along with suffering from alcoholism, Crohn's disease and colitis. We also show unusually high frequencies of depression, drug abuse, bed-wetting, attempted suicide, lower-than-normal birth weight, sleeping disorders, and autoimmune diseases. Well this is interesting...I was almost a 10 lb baby, have never abused drugs, wet the bed until a normal age and have never attempted suicide.  I've never had a seizure or a learning disability (thank god) unless being a poor speller is a disability. However, I do have insanely bad allergies. To defend the lefties that are depressed (again, not me), it's not their fault, they're basically outcasts...only 10% of the world is left handed and now they're being told they have brain damage, they still have to use right handed scissors AND write with the notebook wires jabbing into their wrists (all while smearing their writing)...I get it.  Oh we're also more prone to being diagnosed with schizophrenia...perfect.

But isn't 'survival of the fittest' supposed to be how the animal kingdom works?  We are after all animals.  I did some more digging and found "what left-handed people may lack in fitness, they make up by being different" (THANK GOD, this sounds like it might be a positive spin on things!).  Left-Handed athletes thrive in sports involving direct one on one contact, like baseball (Babe Ruth), tennis (John McEnroe) and boxing (Oscar de le Hoya).  A France researcher linked the reason left handed people are successful in such sports, also explains a possible higher success rate among lefties in primitive combat (just to dissect this, back in the days when people had to fight head to head, lefties were well practiced against right handed people because there were so many of them, the righties weren't so prepared, therefore the lefties won...so HA!).

Since I'm going to die sooner than the rest of you, I'm going to take this time to gloat for a second or two.  20% of Mensa members are left-handed (scientists think this is because lefties have to use both parts of their brain equally, so they can store more information causing them to be highly intelligent).  Because we're so smart, we make more money (well not me, but the genius lefties).  We can see better than right handed people under water...I have no idea why, but it's proven I swear (I even listed my sources below).  We're better at multi-tasking, have better memories and we're better at playing video games.  God for bid one of us ever had a stroke, we'd recover faster than our right handed counterpart. We're more artistic AND better drivers (I'm not sure how, since we're more accident prone and cars are designed for right handed people, but I'll take it).  We're also more likely to be President (which could be the reason for the whole dying sooner thing). 

That's my random rant of the day...Happy Tuesday!

The Straight Dope
The Left-Handed Advantage
10 Proven Benefits of Being Left Handed

Red Flags

With all of the craziness that I have dealt with in my dating life, I could surely make a list of 'Red Flags' for people to consider when dating someone new.  Since there's no more online dating for me (and lets be honest, I'm kind of short on blog material) I went back to my favorite contradiction of a website, Ask Men and found a little gem entitled "Dating Red Flags".  Some of them had me laughing out loud and others had me thinking WTF...but never the less, I thought I'd share the list (with commentary, obviously), with numbers 1-5 being full length.

10. She still uses Hotmail, AOL or Yahoo!  I agree...AOL email is very 1996...everyone should have a Gmail account...I mean everyone.

9. She's been cheated on more than once If a girl has been cheated on numerous times (like every relationship she has ever been in), I agree there is probably a problem. She might be insanely insecure, or terrible in bed, or something else that's awful. But if a girl has been cheated on two or three times, I don't think it's fair to blame her. Chances are she was dating jerks, or the guys were young and stupid, or they were college athletes who thought they were some sort of God (not that I'm speaking from experience at all).

8. She doesn't say "Thank you" when you open the door for her This is a huge red flag!  Anyone who isn't polite, isn't appreciative.

7. She's never had a one night stand I'm torn about this one.  I think everyone needs to have a one night stand (sorry Mom). If she's never had a one night stand it could be for a few reasons, maybe they have morals, maybe they're a girl you can actually have a relationship with and take home to mom...or maybe you're turned off because you're an ass who just wants to get laid and she won't open up shop for you. Regardless, I don't think this means a girl "isn't fun" which is what askmen.com suggests.

6. She's never smoked pot Her decision NOT to participate in illegal drug use is NOT a red flag, it's an admirable decision and shows she has a mind of her own...which you would think is a desirable quality.

5. She doesn't drink beer at a live sporting event: Peanuts, hot dogs and beer: the only things that should ever be consumed at a live sporting event.  Seeing those Mai Tai Maidens descend the steps at the game, wearing heels and sipping rum punch out of their pink cups, offends our senses of tradition.  It also warns us that the girl is a high-maintenance hussy who we want no part of.  Real women eat red meet and drink beer. AGREE.  If you can't drink beer at a game, or can't go to the game without heels you shouldn't be at the game.  If you think you're skilled enough to carry 2 beers, nachos and 2 hot dog up the stairs at MSG with stilettos, God bless you...but you can't....you won't....and when you fall on your face you will look like an idiot.  You will also be laughed at and show 20,000 people that you're ridiculously high maintenance and that you're undateable.

4. She has a cat: One cat is without question 100% a red flag.  We heard the term “crazy cat lady” a million times, but that implies that said lady must have multiple cats.  We’re here to tell you that regardless of the number, there’s a good chance she’s crazy.  You see, a woman who gets a cat generally does so to fulfill her desire to have a companion who allows her to remain detached from human relationships.  She likes a cat because it never questions her and because she can pay attention to it on her own time.  Does this sound like the type of lover you’d like? If I owned a cat, I would probably find this offensive...but since I'm deathly allergic, don't really trust them and find them sneaky...AMEN.

3. She pats her pizza down with a napkin: The AskMen rational behind this isn't needed. If she pats her pizza down with the napkin and is concerned with the 40 calories she's saving by doing so, she's nuts.  If she's from Jersey and does this...she's INSANE.  Pizza is supposed to be greasy (and folded) when you eat it.  If you're eating the pizza, eat the grease, the end.

2. She doesn't have any dateable friends: She doesn’t have any dateable friends:  We’re never thrilled when a girl asks us to join her for dinner with a couple of her gal pals.  But it’s more tolerable when we can spend it imagining ourselves having threesomes with all of them.  If a girl doesn’t have any cool, good-looking friends, it says more about her than it does about her friends.  Is she the jealous type?  Is she paranoid that hotter friends might steal her man?  Does she always need to be the center of attention? To all of my coupled up friends: You're welcome.  I am proud to be the "dateable friend" that keeps you looking like a non-jealous, non-paranoid, non-attention seeking whore. 

1. She doesn't understand that men are naturally wired to be polygamists: We’re naturally wired to procreate with many different women in order to ensure our survival. This fundamental truth scares the hell out of some very naive women. They think guys should stay faithful to their girlfriends because it’s the right thing to do and that men should never cheat on their wives because marriage is sacred. They also think it’s OK to put on a few pounds, cut their hair like lesbian softball players and wear unflattering undergarments to bed every night. They are so confident you’ll stay with them no matter what that they completely give up trying to do things to keep you interested and attracted. F you. You don't want girls that have been cheated on multiple times, but you want to be allowed to cheat on multiple girls and blame it on biology. That makes ZERO sense and you the founders of 100 Red Flags should be shunned from the dating world.

Foto Friday!

Today is the day!  I'm heading to Chicago for one of the biggest bar crawls in the world...that's right, THE WORLD.  It's called T-Box and 10,000 people participate annually.  So in honor of this event, all of the pictures today are from the 'Festa Parties' website, as they are the hosts of the event.

Just so you get a little bit of an idea of what I have in store:

• Since it's my first year, I'm considered a "T-Box Virgin" and have to kiss a member of the court (yes, there are Kings and Queens on a T-Box Court)
• There are TONS of stickers (like hundreds of thousands)
• People dress up in ridiculous Christmas themed costumes
• If you don't bring a box of cereal, you will be sent to some kind of desert island where everyone hates you for not bringing cereal

I am not making this up, you can go to the website above and see for yourself!



The Goal: Wire to Wire!




















So hopefully I'll make it through this weekend (with A LOT of stickers) and be able to report back on how amazing/terrible this event was!!

Happy Friday!

Another Email

A friend forwarded me an email that her friend received after going out on ONE date with a random guy.  It was an extremely long (but funny email), I’ve shortened it and added my commentary, as always:

Hi L,

FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can't see someone's body language or tone of voice in an email. I'm not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I'm honest and direct by nature, and I'm going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a google search, so that’s how I came across your email. If you’re warning me in the first paragraph that you may sound ‘harsh’, but that’s not your intention, maybe you should rethink the email writing in the first place.  Also, DO NOT admit to someone that you googled them!  Everyone uses Google as a stalking tool, but you have to be out of your mind to admit it to someone you’re trying to get a second date with!

Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:

-You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I've never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn't look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness. This was probably because you were saying something RIDICULOUS and she didn’t know how to respond so she took the ‘let me sit here and look pretty approach’.  I have done this many times and it works much better than saying “WTF?!”.

-We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I've never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you. When you’re having a conversation with someone, eye contact = being polite.

-You said, "It was nice to meet you." at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn't interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said--that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive. Again, “It was nice to meet you” is polite.  She couldn’t say “I think you’re a troll and I never want to see you again”, that would be rude.

-We had a nice conversation over dinner. I don't think I'm being delusional in saying this statement. This email is proof that you are in fact delusional. Just because she answered your questions and kept the conversation going (while playing with her hair) doesn’t mean you’re headed to the alter.  It means that she is a nice person and didn’t want to ditch you half way through the date.

We have a number of things in common. I’ll name a few things: First, we’ve both very intelligent. Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom I’m in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldn’t be seriously involved with a woman if she didn’t like classical music. You said that you're planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future. As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You're very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves. If we go to classical music performances together, it wouldn't take any significant additional time on your part. According to the internet, you’re 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we’re a good match in terms of age. I could name more things that we have in common, but I’ll stop here. A number of things?  So far you listed (in a very poorly written paragraph) that you both like classical music and you’re in your 30’s…if that’s A LOT of things…then I have A LOT to learn.

Perhaps, you’re unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a “real” job. Well, I’ve done very well as an investment manager. I’ve made my parents several millions of dollars. That’s real money. That’s not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, it’s a real job. Donald Trump’s children work for his company. Do they have “real” jobs?  I think so. George Soros’s sons help manage their family investments. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so.  Defensive much?

I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven’t returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. I’m open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too. If you don't want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life.  I really don’t think she cares that you find her ‘less appealing’…if anything she’s probably relieved. I also don’t she’s concerned about this being a mistake…if anything, she’s probably ecstatic that she will never have to hear from your crazyass ever again. 

Best,

M

And this ladies and gentleman, is why I am okay with being single…

Oh Really?

That was my horoscope for yesterday. I don't believe my horoscopes word for word, but I do read them daily, mainly to see if it will say something extremely depressing ("today is your last day to live"), or something crazy and exciting ("you will meet the love of your life today").  But this one I had to share.  I am the complete opposite of 'hopelessly irresponsible' and I don't think I should be 'indulging' in anyone, that just sounds wrong. However, I do have enough responsibility for two, but after all, isn't that what babysitting is? 

Anyway, the point of this rant is that maybe I'm asking for too much.  Maybe there isn't a guy out there that's tall, smart, funny, normal, social, moderately attractive, employed, likes children AND is responsible. Maybe I'm holding out for something that doesn't exist.  Maybe I should take the advice of my daily emailed horoscope and stop looking for someone so serious and career oriented.  Maybe I should be open to meeting someone fun and carefree to balance out my anal retentive self.  That is if there's someone out there who's willing to put up with me...

Young Finance Professional...

This article was brought to my attention by a fellow single lady and I have to say I laughed out loud. It was posted in the Craig's List "Personals" section (she doesn't go there, it was featured on a website) and it's titled 'Young Finance Professional Seeks Girlfriend Just For the Holidays':

Let's recognize something. The holidays suck, especially for us single people. All of your coupled friends are going to be doing couple things: snuggling by the fire, going to dinner at each others' parents houses, blahblahbarf. (Agreed. Not to mention is my birthday, which makes it even worse.)

Let's recognize another thing. Deep down inside, you don't want to be alone for the holidays. You want someone to do all of those cute snuggly things with, someone to get fat and keep warm next to (let's also recognize that it's getting f...ing cold here), and someone to accompany you to your friends' coupley holiday parties so they don't keep thinking you're a loser destined for permanent solo status. (I'm not big on 'snuggly' but I like 'cute'.  I don't want to 'get fat' and I'd rather be cold than 'warm'...but I would like to dispel the thoughts of me being a 'loser destined for permanent solo status'.)

(So), you've spent all year working on your career / finishing school / getting drunk and haven't had the time or inclination to track down and capture a boyfriend. And even if you did, you're not really sure you'd want to keep him after the holidays are over, anyway. (Actually, I spent all year switching jobs and dating for blog material.  I have had both the time and inclination to attempt to 'track down and capture a boyfriend'...however I've been calling it 'attempting to find the right guy for me'....it sounds much better.)

The solution:

Be my girlfriend for the holidays. And only for the holidays.

How it works:

You reply with a picture and a brief bio (250 words max. To give you an idea, this posting is 499). If it seems like a good fit we'll set up a casual mini-date (coffee, beer, or whatever). If that's a success and we're both feeling it, we'll date until 11:59PM, January 2nd, 2012. After that we can still be friends (unless we hate each other, then we can downshift to the occasional drunken booty call). (I'm 24, also a 'finance professional', can write 250 words and I like casual mini-dates.  11:59 pm on January 2, 2012 is PERFECT, as I have a New Years Day party on the 1st and I would like someone to accompany me.  I have no problem being friends after, but let it be known, I will not be a drunken booty call, especially to a stranger/holiday boyfriend who posted an ad on Craig's List.)

The benefits:

• You have someone to keep you company on these witch-tit-cold New York City nights. Did I mention I'm an excellent cuddler ? (I have references.)  (We're going to have to discuss this cuddling thing...)

• I like to cook. Especially for others. Nothing too fancy, but always tasty and satisfying. As long as you're an omnivore, you win. (I can bake!  Nothing too fancy but always tasty and satisfying!)

• Having done it professionally for some years to pay for school, I know my way around a bar. Same goes for wine cellars and beer coolers. Homemade winter warmers ? Done. (I've been surrounded by people who LOVEEE their alcohol for quite some time...I know my way around a bar as well...this could get interesting)

• Hate holiday music ? Me too. Seeing as every other establishment or event you step into will be playing it, I'll spare you the excess.  (I HATE CHRISTMAS MUSIC...I think stores and stations should only be allowed to play it the week before Christmas.  How many different renditions of 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas' can someone possibly listen to before their eardrums start to bleed?)

• Love taking photos ? Sweet. Let's wear gaudy holiday attire and make ridiculous Xmas postcards to send your friends and family. Just for the lulz. (I have an ugly Christmas sweater vest that I've been dying to break out this year...and I have just invested in a leopard print Santa hat...you also said 'lulz'...which makes me an instant fan of yours)

• Worried about finding someone to kiss on New Year's Eve who doesn't look (or sound) like Sloth's cousin ? Boom! Got you covered. (I'll be the judge of that, send me your picture and bio.)

About Me:

23 years old, financial professional, active, outgoing, easy on the eyes. (How tall are you?)

Not About You (aka Dealbreakers or, Don't Bother If You Exhibit the Following):

Heavy drug use, laziness, prudishness, still in love with old boy or girlfriend from years past (or if you secretly are, at least have the damn decency to not blab on about it). (None of the above apply)

Interested ? Then send your pic and bio and get this ball rolling'

Is it terrible that I actually want to reply to this ad, just to see what this guy is actually all about!?! I am DYING to see what he looks like and see if he's actually this funny/creative in person. I know my mother is reading this right now screaming "Don't you dare!" at her computer...but it's killing me...I need to find out. I went to Craig's List, clicked on New York and in the search engine typed "holiday girlfriend".  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, there were 5 men, ages 26-34 with ad's on Craig's List searching for a Holiday Girlfriend!  I couldn't find the guy who posted the article above...however, I did find a guy who was 26 and admitted to copying the above ad from a guy in SF (he gets points for being honest AND for being in my age range).  I replied to him and sent him a link to my blog.  Stay tuned...

Happy December!



Holy heck...where did November go?! It's officially December 1, which means 24 days until I turn 25.  OH MY GOD.  I can not believe I have been on this planet for a 1/4 of a century and accomplished so little!  I remember when I was younger saying "I want to have my first kid at 25 and last one at 32" (mind you I wanted 4 children)....What the hell was I smoking at the age of 12? While I was thinking about the naive child I used to be, I was thrown into the present to think about the ALMOST 25 year old version of me and the future that will be the 50 year old version of me and God help those of you that are around to see the 50 year old version of me.

I am currently under the impression that I could use some botox or at the very least a chemical peel, I would love a boob lift and would be okay losing 35 lbs.  CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE what I'm going to think about my 50 year old self?!

In the wake of all this thinking (anyone who knows me, knows I'm known to 'think to much'..haha, that sounded funny) I decided I'm making a 1/4 Century resolution.  This will be in effect from the age of 25 to 50 (this should be interesting considering I've kept ONE New Year Resolution in my entire life and it was to be nicer, which is clearly debatable).  I am going to live a healthier, happier life style and here are a few of the things I'm changing:

- I will not harp on the past.  My past is a part of me, but it doesn't define me.  I'm letting go of all of the negativity that surrounded me in my first 25 years of life.  I'm forgiving the bullies, the couple that used to make out at my locker in high school, the guy who rear-ended me (he was going 70 when I was stopped) on the NJTPK and left me on the side of the road in pain...in the pouring rain and I'm forgiving my family members who have done some pretty terrible things.

• I took the first step yesterday by erasing 31...that's right 30 freaking 1 phone numbers out of my phone.  They were ALL from online dating, or dates that never materialized or guys I know I'm better off without.  What I found funnier, is that I only know one 'Jason' (who happens to be my bff's husband) and there were 4 in my phone...all with different numbers and I don't remember ever talking to a 'Jason'...so look, I'm forgetting about the past already!

- I will live a healthier lifestyle. I am the first one to admit that I am a caffeine addict.  I drive through drive through's JUST for a medium diet coke and that's a problem.  My SF Red Bull addiction should also probably end and I think I could get rid of SOME coffee/tea...but let's not get carried away here, there's no way I could get rid of ALL coffee/tea, especially with the job I have.  This one also includes working out at least 4 days a week...NO EXCUSES.  If I have to run around the block, I'll run around the block...but if I can't run 10 miles now, there's no way I can run 10 miles 25 years from now.  Also, I can't wear bikini's when I'm 50...so I will have a bikini bod by May 28, 2012 (Memorial Day/A's Birthday).  Please note that this bikini bod will never be a 0/2, that's not genetically possible, but it could very well be a 8/10!

- I will handle whatever is thrown at me with dignity and grace. I have a temper, I yell and scream and cry.  I complain that things 'aren't fair' and often think 'what did I do to deserve this?'...but those thoughts are STOPPING.  God doesn't give you what you can't handle...and there's a reason he gives you the minutia he gives you.  I will not question what happens, I will not ask why, I will make lemonade out of lemons.

- I will smile more.  I smile a lot.  I like to smile.  But I'm going to smile more (fine lines be damned).  I think a smile can brighten up a day and if smiling at a stranger could make them feel better, then hell, I'm going to do it.

So there you have it...New 1/4 Century = New Me, but of course I still have 24 days to overdose on diet coke, sleep instead of go to the gym and scream/yell/cry as much as I want to :-)

courtest of karil.deviantart.com