So needless to say, I wasn't fired (if I was, this post would've been written a lot sooner, as I'd be a lady of leisure yet again) but the story is hysterical anyway. Boss Man wanted to take his children (ages 10 and 12) on a 10-day family vacation for Spring Break...he's divorced, so it sounded like a great opportunity fo
r him to sped some quality time with the kiddies. Key West, FL was his destination of choice, I have never been there (nor have I been anywhere this man travels, but that's a story for a different day)...so planning this trip was difficult to say the least. I found a glorious hotel, Ocean Key Resort and put them in an "ocean view suite"...for $1,000/night, there better be an ocean view...These are actual resort pictures. Well the 10 day vacation was cut short when drunk spring breaker's along with prostitutes and other things were interfering with the 'family vibe'. Boss Man promptly told me he hated it and couldn't stay there any longer than he had to...he needed me to rent 'a cool convertible' (not a Seabring and DEFINITELY not white) for the next day. Also mind you, they had nowhere to stay in Naples and I was instructed to pick the hotel that had the 'coolest pool' and that had a king bed room joining a room with two queen beds. Now people, explain to me when you were EVER in a joining hotel room that had to different types of rooms connected to each other!!! I settled on the only hotel I could find in Naples, that was available on a days notice on a holiday weekend (that's right, it was Easter) and thankfully had a waterslide and by some random twist of fate a king room joining a queen room (thank you Naples Grande Beach Resort for saving my job). Before he could escape the horrific place of Key West, he HAD to go on two trips that I set up for the family, because I'm fantastic like that. The first was a seaplane snorkeling adventure which minus the snorkeling sounded like the coolest thing in the world...you literally hover on top of water and fly out to a bay! This trip almost went off without a hitch, it would've been perfect if the stupid lady didn't tell me the plane left at 7am, when in fact it left at 8am. The real fun began on the fly fishing excursion. I have never been fly fishing and I have ZERO desire to ever go and I have no idea what it entails...but I found a company that advertised itself as the 'Best in Key West' and they took payment over the phone, so it seemed good to me. Well it's a four hour trip and they tell you all you need is lunch. They got out on the boat, had no equipment and had to go back to shore to pick it up...this wouldn't have been so bad if they didn't go 'aground' when they got back out to the sand bar. For those of you who are as clueless as I was, 'aground' basically means stuck on a sand bar, unable to 'get free' and waiting for a tug boat to pull you out. I received a text that said "This is a disaster. Forgot equipment, had to go back. Then went aground. Will be stuck out here for several hours. Stop payment." There were some choice words in there as well, but that was the gist of the message. After calling Mastercard and attempting to convince them that I was Boss Man's wife they informed me that you can't dispute a charge until it's actually posted to the account, but explaining this to Gilligan on his new found island was out of the question...he just wanted it stopped NOW. The next text read "Too much sun, forget the convertible, get large car, not suv, not mid sized, not white"...So I called my new friend Chris who hooked me up with the non-white non -seabring, silver camaro to inform him that I needed his help one more time. I explained to him that at this point my job was on the line and my boss would probably kill him if there wasn't a 'large car' waiting for him at the airport. Chris came through yet again with a Cadillac CTS...thank god for luxury vehicles. Boss Man finally got back to land and called me on his way to the airport and said "There's a large car waiting for me, right?" I said "Of course" and promptly called Chris to alert him that Boss Man was on his way and to brace for impact. As soon as Boss Man was in the car and en route to Naples I sent an email that read: "I'm leaving in a little while to spend some of this holiday weekend with my family, do you need anything else?" and I received no response, which either meant a) he was content or b) he didn't want to fire me before Easter...I was convinced it was option b. But Monday came and I had flowers sent to me because it was 'Admin Appreciation Week' (which was very nice, thanks corporate!) which ended up being the week from HELL...but at least I'm still employed. I swear people, you can't make this stuff up.
So needless to say, I wasn't fired (if I was, this post would've been written a lot sooner, as I'd be a lady of leisure yet again) but the story is hysterical anyway. Boss Man wanted to take his children (ages 10 and 12) on a 10-day family vacation for Spring Break...he's divorced, so it sounded like a great opportunity fo
r him to sped some quality time with the kiddies. Key West, FL was his destination of choice, I have never been there (nor have I been anywhere this man travels, but that's a story for a different day)...so planning this trip was difficult to say the least. I found a glorious hotel, Ocean Key Resort and put them in an "ocean view suite"...for $1,000/night, there better be an ocean view...These are actual resort pictures. Well the 10 day vacation was cut short when drunk spring breaker's along with prostitutes and other things were interfering with the 'family vibe'. Boss Man promptly told me he hated it and couldn't stay there any longer than he had to...he needed me to rent 'a cool convertible' (not a Seabring and DEFINITELY not white) for the next day. Also mind you, they had nowhere to stay in Naples and I was instructed to pick the hotel that had the 'coolest pool' and that had a king bed room joining a room with two queen beds. Now people, explain to me when you were EVER in a joining hotel room that had to different types of rooms connected to each other!!! I settled on the only hotel I could find in Naples, that was available on a days notice on a holiday weekend (that's right, it was Easter) and thankfully had a waterslide and by some random twist of fate a king room joining a queen room (thank you Naples Grande Beach Resort for saving my job). Before he could escape the horrific place of Key West, he HAD to go on two trips that I set up for the family, because I'm fantastic like that. The first was a seaplane snorkeling adventure which minus the snorkeling sounded like the coolest thing in the world...you literally hover on top of water and fly out to a bay! This trip almost went off without a hitch, it would've been perfect if the stupid lady didn't tell me the plane left at 7am, when in fact it left at 8am. The real fun began on the fly fishing excursion. I have never been fly fishing and I have ZERO desire to ever go and I have no idea what it entails...but I found a company that advertised itself as the 'Best in Key West' and they took payment over the phone, so it seemed good to me. Well it's a four hour trip and they tell you all you need is lunch. They got out on the boat, had no equipment and had to go back to shore to pick it up...this wouldn't have been so bad if they didn't go 'aground' when they got back out to the sand bar. For those of you who are as clueless as I was, 'aground' basically means stuck on a sand bar, unable to 'get free' and waiting for a tug boat to pull you out. I received a text that said "This is a disaster. Forgot equipment, had to go back. Then went aground. Will be stuck out here for several hours. Stop payment." There were some choice words in there as well, but that was the gist of the message. After calling Mastercard and attempting to convince them that I was Boss Man's wife they informed me that you can't dispute a charge until it's actually posted to the account, but explaining this to Gilligan on his new found island was out of the question...he just wanted it stopped NOW. The next text read "Too much sun, forget the convertible, get large car, not suv, not mid sized, not white"...So I called my new friend Chris who hooked me up with the non-white non -seabring, silver camaro to inform him that I needed his help one more time. I explained to him that at this point my job was on the line and my boss would probably kill him if there wasn't a 'large car' waiting for him at the airport. Chris came through yet again with a Cadillac CTS...thank god for luxury vehicles. Boss Man finally got back to land and called me on his way to the airport and said "There's a large car waiting for me, right?" I said "Of course" and promptly called Chris to alert him that Boss Man was on his way and to brace for impact. As soon as Boss Man was in the car and en route to Naples I sent an email that read: "I'm leaving in a little while to spend some of this holiday weekend with my family, do you need anything else?" and I received no response, which either meant a) he was content or b) he didn't want to fire me before Easter...I was convinced it was option b. But Monday came and I had flowers sent to me because it was 'Admin Appreciation Week' (which was very nice, thanks corporate!) which ended up being the week from HELL...but at least I'm still employed. I swear people, you can't make this stuff up.